dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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