I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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