we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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