I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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