If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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