people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
