I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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