I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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