After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
