if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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