I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
