He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
