So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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