I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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