just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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