He disabled his match.com account in front of me
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize