she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
