you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
this hospital has no fireball
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
