i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
40s are totally the cure
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
