Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
