Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
