woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
