gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
