Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
