oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i believe in u and ur pee
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
