You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
