Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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