Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
