And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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