If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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