just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
