doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
