i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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