Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
