This is not my ceiling
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
