Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
