Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
