so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Randomize
