Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
