My nipple is on Facebook.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
