I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
