Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
