She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
