i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
