absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
