Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
