I love black thongs
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
