i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
