he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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