Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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