Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
