She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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