Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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