And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
