You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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