i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
