i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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