So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
