I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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