it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize