He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
