Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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