We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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