dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
