apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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