? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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