Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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