You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
