i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
