she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
