I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
