I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
