worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
