How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just threw up on my dentist
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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