You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
