New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize