it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
