Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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