no, he came in my armpit
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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