Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
