My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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