You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
