I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
