hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
