Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
