pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
